Marriage And Communication: How Do I Know?


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Evol Graham
Marriage should be considered not an institution but rather a state of being.  Relationships, hopefully intimate, tend to have the most challenges as they are managed from the outcomes and events of the world rather than the collaborated efforts of the pairing.  This pairing, by today’s standards, means that there is balanced and open communication to deal with issues from family, economics, and well-being.  But what happens when those challenges overwhelm and collaboration and communication becomes static?
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General solutions tell us that couples therapy is the start to help to reignite trust in a relationship.  Trusting a partner is the work in relationships.  The opinions that partners have comes from those experiences that have shaped and mature each individual.  As issues arise and a solution must be arrived at; trust in each other’s thoughts and actions have to be respected in order to come to a resolution.  Here is where the work comes in.  Resolutions need a goal set for it to be completed. Knowing what milestones need to be completed and focusing on them is what most people do not have or lose sight of while in the process of the plan.  Recently, a plan which may have been in the works seems to be slowing or is becoming increasingly harder to start.  Instead of committing to the plan and working toward that 1st goal, we failed to focus and fell back into a place of panic.   Panic leads to fear, then a disconnection, and finally no communication.  It is not so much the one that hurts but the many.    Does it mean one gives in to the easy and remains separate in thinking and action?  Would the  right path be that of the fearful just allowing issues to destroy or the tired to give in to separation in growth but what of the hopeful?  Hopeful?

Psalm 121, 5-6.

The Lord watches over you—
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

There is nothing “complex” about God’s plan for marriage.

There is nothing “complex” about God’s plan for marriage.

Marriage is a bond on the surface by a record, but what of those fundamentals that we hold dear in religion.  We look at each other as individuals sorting this perilous adventure of life day by day and then seeing how to navigate to the next.  There is the question. Is it to be left to God’s will as to a position or circumstance or is a belief the aid for the day and then the choice is our own?  Knowing that we have steps is understood, do we know what those steps are or go with the proverbial flow?  The former means we should write down goals, set our milestones and adjust. The latter has goals but God has our steps already defined so allow the instances to lead one.  There is a 3rd scenario a combination of the two.  The balance and discipline to commit is the challenge and follow thru the process.  We woke to face the day, God’s blessing has anointed our steps.

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Write it down.  What are our goals?  When are the milestones? Who are the stakeholders?  What are our the contingencies?  It is a belief that visualization is the best way to record a plan. Graphically or a wordy plan can help with that focus that is needed to complete tasks.  Many businesses, institutions, and plans rely on the written word to implement plans to make the participant reach whatever the goal is.  Then partnership in a marriage can do the same, as both partners, need to commit to the focus.

Looking at the science and the religious aspects, it is evident that with every moment, decisions are more complex and need a thoughtfulness to make it worthwhile and sustainable. Simple and quick is based on a feeling and not in rational discovery to a resolve.  Openness to change is a culmination of patience and understanding of partners in a relationship. A willingness to try and fail together, rather than fall into one’s fear and close off the connection.