It Really Is Up To Women

Photo not my property

many black men today(photo adapted

A few days ago a young man walked into my business inquiring about what it would cost at a bare minimum to have a cell phone. I asked him a few qualifying questions, all the time referring to him as sir. He couldn’t have been more than 23 years old. He was big, with a boyish, almost childlike look.

To my surprise he retorted “ Mike why you calling me sir man?I ain’t never done anything to you, you know me man , you know my Mom , if I did something to you I apologize man”.

Then he said something even more shocking . Man I miss my father , I haven’t seen my dad for so long Mike” !

In shock, I looked at another customer standing close by. I was unsure how referring to him as “Sir” could be construed to be an indication that I was mad at him. I was even more confused as to what him  missing his dad had to do with the foregone.

African American men marching in the 60's

African American men marching in the 60’s

I concluded one thing , he was hurting.

The male customer standing close by chimed in , “Sir is a sign of respect man” , to which he nodded his head in obvious understanding and smiled. I wasn’t content to let him walk away without at least trying to learn a little about him. After explaining to him that referring to him as Sir was a sign of respect and courtesy, he smiled broadly then told me he had not seen his Dad in years. I had no solution, so I told him I loved him. He purchased the service he could afford and left.

So what’s the moral of this spiel? Well…  I’ve wanted to talk a little about some of these very issues for years now. Having worked a decade in Law Enforcement I saw a whole bunch of young people whom I believed would have been exponentially better off had their parents made the right decision.

Many of the problems of our Society today may be traced back to the doorsteps of each and every home on this Planet. Whatever the problem, they begin with decisions we made.

That decision may be an emotional decision to vote for someone who should never be elected to office, or an ill-advised decision by a woman to have sex with a male she knows will never be a father to a child, in the event she becomes pregnant. The decision may be even more simple, how about not taking the chance of having a child, in the event she cannot forego sex?

This is a subject we have tip-toed around for far too long, largely in deference to women. There is a reason most female Animals mate with the strongest male, The Alpha male. It is a built in defense against the break-down of the Specie. Imagine if Lionesses mated with the weakest most feeble Lion, pretty soon Lions would be hunted by domestic Dogs. But seriously you do get the picture right?

The Human specie is not all about the need for brute force to survive, notwithstanding women are not absolved of their responsibility to be judicious with their bodies. I am in no way laying  the entirety of the blame at the feet of women, neither will I shy away from asking women to be more accountable because it is unpopular to do so.

Barring sexual assaults, and other events which takes away a woman’s right to choose a partner, It begins with a woman’s decision to have sex with a man. It begins with her to decide to have unprotected sex. It is her decision to have sex with a man who has no job and never had one. It is her decision to have sex with a man who has several women. It is her decision to maintain a sexual relationship with a man who cannot stay out of jail.

Ask yourselves this, how will a  man be a suitable father to your kids if he is a shiftless , lazy man who does not work and cannot stay out of prison? I’ll take it a bit further , why would you want a man who is in and out of Prison to be the father to your children? What kind of role-model will he be? Is that even important to you women? This is a conversation we need to have within the black community. 

We can continue to bemoan what the “Man” did , or even continue to do. We can conversely get up and change our circumstance. We cannot continue to blame others for decisions we make. We cannot continue to excoriate and vilify those in our community who speak to these truths. No one owes us a living, not our parents, not the country, not the President.

It is our responsibility to seek knowledge. There are places called Schools, no one owes it to us to get us an education. Why does an American Citizen not have a piece of Identification? Is it an unreasonable request to ask that you identify yourself in order to vote? Why do you think those who would do us harm make it so we have to show ID? Don’t you realize it’s because they know we simply refuse to go get a piece of identification?

Why do you women continue to have sex with unworthy men you know will not stick around if you get pregnant? Why do you then turn the male child from that union into that man who walked away from you, calling him your baby? Have you ever wondered why he calls your home his Crib? If you enable him to live off you, not get an education, not get a job. How will he be a man to the women he interacts with? How will he be a father to the children he will most certainly sire?

It will be another hundred years and nothing will change for us if we shackle ourselves to the belief that somehow it is up to someone to teach us things. To give us things, to make decisions for us.

How much longer can we hide behind the fallacy that somehow young women are to be pitied because they made conscious decisions to have unprotected sex which results in pregnancy? Does anyone really believe young women today do not know that sex leads to pregnancy? On what Planet is that notion plausible ?I humbly venture to say that in the case of young girls in High Schools who have kids , they actually actively plan those pregnancies, sometimes with their friends so they may all have babies around the same time.

Those are the reasons 71% of all black babies born the US are born to single unmarried women. Whose fault is that? Is that the white man’s fault? I made this argument recently in a conversation and someone accused me of “judging” the women…………

I was told that these women do not know they should not have unprotected sex. Because they are not taught that they shouldn’t. My question was, “whose fault is that”? How much longer are we going to pretend it is someone else’s fault that a large number  of that 71% , are merely fodder for the Prison Industrial Complex?

We simply cannot continue with the nonsense that they are building Prisons to house black people. It rather is that we continue to have children we refuse to care for that invariable end up in the prisons. The so-called- man is all too eager to profit from our mistakes. It is the American way , it is called Capitalism.